I've been so blessed lately. I've taken a semester off from school, to kind of focus on myself and refocus everything in my life, and of course to save up some money so I'm not such a bum on my parents. One thing I've been able to focus on is prayer. At night it seems when I get on my knees to pray, those prayers are quick little things, because my warm bed seems so much more inviting than being cold on the hard floor next to it. But I've realized my morning prayers are often the ones that I'm on my knees for a good while. I need to refocus and make my night prayer the same, but I just want to share what I learned this morning.
I woke up and saw a new Mormon Message out, so of course I watched it. Then, I decided to get my Ensign and study it for a while. I read one page and realized I didn't say my morning prayer yet, and starting out a study sesh with prayer is a must, also. I crawled out of my warm bed and got on my knees. I've been focusing lately on making my prayers as if I'm really talking to my Heavenly Father, and so many days, I literally feel him hugging me as I pray. I know he's there. I know he's listening to me. I know he loves me with all his heart. I know on my worst days, he's standing right next to me, waiting for me to call on him to come rescue me and take away any burden or stress I have. He never fails me.
Lately, I've been focusing on praying for others. This morning opened my eyes. Countless days I've prayed for this friend or that friend, but today I realized that the list never ends. We all could use a prayer. We all have trials, and prayer really is the best comfort in this whole world.
I've been starting to realize what I want in this world, too. My mom and sister both got married really young, and I really don't think I will. lol. But I've started to realize when that day comes, I want my husband's best friend to be his Father in Heaven. I want a man who recognizes the power of prayer. I want a man who prays for me before he buys me flowers to comfort me.
A girl I know told me when her husband was on his mission, she wrote him and during that time her parents got divorced. She didn't want to burden him with her sadness, so she didn't tell him until months after it happened. His response to her was the sweetest most loving response, he responded and said he had wished she had told him sooner, because he would have prayed and fasted for her comfort through it all. He knew that through prayer, he could have helped her not be so alone through that trial in her life.
My goal is to be a strength to myself. I want to be strong enough and close enough to my Heavenly Father, that through my trials, I'm strong enough to know to lean on him and to let him carry me through it. I know he's felt every pain I will ever feel, I know he knows every weakness I have, and he's there to give me strength beyond what this world will ever give me.
Blessed are they who desire with all their hearts to be righteous as Christ is righteous, to be perfect as he is perfect, who long for it and seek it, and who would give anything for it, though they do not have it.
- Believing Christ by Stephen E. Robinson
My whole blog so far has been pretty spiritual. I kind of did it, so I can see my growth. I've been trying to set the gospel as my focus for all aspects of my life. Maybe that's a little extreme, maybe I'm getting a little carried away, but maybe just maybe it's exactly what I need. Before I had a testimony and before I lived the gospel pretty good. Yeah I've made my mistakes, but I've never not believed in the church. I feel like before I let the gospel act upon me, whenever I went to church on Sundays or whenever we had firesides or whenever someone else put the opportunity in my life for me to feel the Spirit. I'm starting to realize more and more everyday though, that I need to act upon it myself. I need to put the church in my life, instead of waiting for everyone else to put it there for me.
I'm on my third week of couch to 5k and I'm not going to lie, I'm a little baby and I think it's hard. Everyday I look on the fitness page of Pinterest to get me motivated to actually get out there. I'm starting to realize that so many things in life I have to motivate myself. I need to stop relying on everyone around me to help me accomplish goals in life or to be good examples for me. My last run was Friday, and I ran to the temple here in Provo. As I sat outside, I just people watched. Yeah, that might sound creepy, but I loved every second of it. I loved seeing how at peace every one was, and I loved how at peace I was.
Saturday it rained. I was going to go run in the rain, but then I realized I need to go buy some better running clothes for rainy weather. Soon enough, I'll be pro enough that I'll be runnin' rain or shine. Just you wait.
Back to Friday, I went to this dance party here in Utah. It was definitely an eye opener for me. The whole thing really made me think. It was the cutest little Mormon party, they had mocktails with clever names and an Elvis you could get married by, and of course they had the dance. I had so much fun dancing with my girls and some of my guy friends, but I also realized a lot about myself. At first I kind of was discouraged, because I didn't feel as "sexy" as the girls wearing the short skirts or the sleeveless dresses. I know all of us girls can say we've been tempted or fallen into dressing a little less than our best just to try to be more attractive or just to get some attention or just to feel good about ourselves. But how messed up is that? How sad is it that we feel that showing off our bodies makes us feel good about ourselves? Starting today, I'm making a more conscious effort to feel beautiful with who I am, not how I dress.
This girl right here:
Oh Lolo. This girl has become one of my best friends I've ever had. In Relief Society (still freaks me out that I'm in RELIEF SOCIETY) anyways.. we're reading October's General Conference all over again until this upcoming General Conference and oh what a great person I have for a roommate. On Sunday we're sitting there and she tells me about a talk we should do for our visiting teaching lesson we have after church, so I take her little Ensign from her, and she has all of the little pages underlined and marked up with where she's read. Right then I just felt her Spirit so strong, how often do we take the time to read talks and scripture and gospel doctrine enough to mark up and write little notes? Lo's inspired me to take my Ensign and mark that little baby up before next conference.
Slowly I've learned to take the baby steps of saying my prayers EVERY day and reading my scriptures EVERY day, and that these things are becoming habits and I can already see and feel the blessings in my life. Slowly I'm catching up to all y'all Spiritual Giants, because I want to be one for myself.
Church today was out of this world. One of the girls in my ward, Samantha, gave a talk on missionary work. She then shared this poem written by an elder in the mission field, and I couldn't help but shed some tears.. It's a little long, but I promise it is worth the three minutes it takes to read.
He’s Been There Before
By Elder Troy Whittle
Texas Houston Mission
The alarm rings at 6:30, I stumble to my feet.
I grab my companion’s bedding and pull off his sheet.
A groan fills the room, “Is it already time to arise?
It seems like just a second ago I was able to shut my eyes.”
The morning activities follow – study, prayer and such.
When it’s time to leave the apartment you feel you haven’t accomplished much.
“We have a super day planned,” my comp says with a grin.
I lowly utter a faithless breath, “Yeah, if anyone lets us in.”
With the word of God and my faithful Schwinn, we ride off in the street
Prepared to face another day of humidity and heat.
It’s 9:30 in the evening, the day is almost through;
My companion and I are riding home, not accomplishing what we thought to do.
We ride up to the mailbox, hoping to receive a lot,
Only to look inside and hear my echo reverberate “Air Box.”
We go up to our apartment, the day is now complete.
The only thing to show for our work is a case of blistered feet.
It’s past 10:30 p.m., my companion is fast asleep.
Silence engulfs me all about and I begin to weep.
In the midst of sadness I kneel down to pray:
I need to talk to Father, but I’m not sure what to say.
“Oh Father,” I begin, “What happened to us today?
I thought we’d teach somebody, but everyone was away.
My hands, my aching hands – worn, hurt, and beat:
If our area was any smaller, we’d have knocked every street.
“Why on missions are the days so much alike?
The only difference about today was the flat tire on my bike.
Will you send some cooler weather? The heat is killing me.
I sweat so bad, it gets in my eyes; it’s very hard to see.
“Why do I have to wear a helmet, isn’t your protection enough?
People always laugh at me and call me stupid stuff.
Please send us investigators so I may give them what they lack;
I want to give them Books of Mormon; the weight of them hurts my back.
“And what about my family? They don’t have much to say.
I’m sick of not hearing from home, day after day after day.
Oh Father, why am I here, am I just wasting time?
Sometimes I just want to go home, I’m sorry, but that’s on my mind.
“My companion, Heavenly Father, what are you giving me?
The way he rides his bicycle, I don’t think he can see.
Now you have it, I can’t go on; I don’t know what to do;
That, my Father in Heaven, is the prayer I have for you.”
My prayer now finished I stand up, then jump right into bed.
I need my rest for tomorrow: we have another long day ahead.
Sleep starts to overtake me, I seem to drift away.
Then it seems a vision takes me to another time and another day.
I’m standing alone on the hill, the view is very nice.
A man walks towards me and says,
“My name is Jesus Christ.”
Tears of joy well up inside, I fall down to his feet.
“Arise,” he states, “Follow me to the shade – you and I need to speak.”
My attention’s toward the Savior, total and complete.
He says, “Your mission is similar of what happened to me.
I understand how you feel. I know what you’re going through;
In fact, it would be fair to say I’ve felt the same as you.
“I even know how you felt when no one listened to you.
At times I felt not quite sure what else I could do.
I know you don’t like to ride a bike, for you a car would be sweet:
Just remember the donkey I rode wasn’t equipped with 21 speeds.
“I understand you don’t like sweating,
In fact it’s something you hate;
I remember when I sweat blood from every pore,
Oh the agony was great!
I see you don’t like your companion – you’d rather have someone else.
I once had a companion named Judas who sold my life for wealth.
“It’s hard to wear a helmet and have people make fun of you.
I remember when they put thorns on my head and called me King of the Jews.
So you feel burdened down by the weight of your pack.
I recall how heavy the cross was when they slammed it on my back.
“Your hands hurt from tracting and knocking on doors all day.
I guess when they pounded nails into mine, I ached in a similar way.
It’s hard not to hear from home when your family’s not there to see.
I lost communication on the cross and cried,
“Father, why hast thou forsaken me?”
“We have a lot in common, but there’s a difference between us you see;
I endured to the end and finished my mission, so follow and do like me.”
He embraced me with his arms. His light filled me with His love.
With tears in my eyes I watched as he went back to the Father above.
I stood with awe and wonder when a beep rang in my head.
I listened and heard the alarm, then realized I was in my bed.
My companion let out a groan, “6:30 already, no way!”
I sat up and said, “Come on, I’ll carry your scriptures today!”
No matter what we go through, when we feel we can’t take no more,
Just stop and think about Jesus Christ. He’s been there before.
If you're reading this I really doubt you're a full time missionary, but you are someone who has trials. We all have trials so different than each other, but the thing I've realized is, no matter what trial I am going through, Jesus Christ is who I should be turning to for help. So often I get caught up in feeling sorry for myself, but I know He suffered more than I can even comprehend. My home teacher once told me about how we all accepted our trials before we came to this earth, and how amazing it is that we all knew we could remain faithful and overcome each one. But how many of us actually endure to the end? How many of us have the determination we did before we ever came? We all accepted every trial, and sometimes we forget our strength. Sometimes we need to take a step back and forget the world for a little bit, and turn to our Father in Heaven and let Him remind us of our divine calling. Then, we need to work hard, push through the struggles, and accomplish what we were sent here for. I've realized, the longer I spend dwelling on overcoming my problems in life, the less time I have to help other people through theirs.
“In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance.”
I was able to witness a priesthood blessing last night, and the Spirit was overwhelming. The power that young men have and others are capable of, testify to me the goodness of this gospel. The Lord has given us tools to help make our lives better, and that alone gives me faith.
Last semester me and Lo always talked about reading scriptures together and saying a prayer at night together, but we never did.... until last night! We finally put our plan into action, and it was the best feeling. We read chapters 1-9 of 1 Nephi by ourselves then we read chapter 10 together and got on our knees and prayed. For the first time in a long time I went to bed feeling so at peace. It's amazing how much the gospel can change your life with just a little bit of effort. I've realized that to be the strong young woman I was sent here to be, I have to put my best effort into learning and living this gospel.
40 Days Through the Book of Mormon
Day 1
Scripture Study: 1 Nephi 1-10
Scripture to mark & ponder: 1 Nephi 3:7
Scripture Thought for the Day:
"Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart."
D&C 8:2
Thought for the Day:
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."
Aristotle
Last night as me and Lauren read together, the last verses of chapter 10 of 1 Nephi touched me.
17 And it came to pass after I Nephi, having heard all the words of my father, concerning the things which he saw in a vision, and also the things which he spake by the power of the Holy Ghost, which power he received by faith on the Son of God-and the Son of God was the Messiah who should come- I, Nephi, was desirous also that I might see, and hear, and know of these things, by the power of God unto all those who diligently seek him, as well in times of old as in the time that he should manifest himself unto the children of men. 18 For he is the same yesterday, today, and forever and the way is prepared for all men from the foundation of the world, if it so be that they repent and come unto him. 19 For he that diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by the power of the Holy Ghost, as well in these times as in times of old, and as well in times of old as in times to come; wherefore, the course of the Lord is one eternal round. 20 Therefore remember, O man, for all thy doings though shalt be brought into judgement. 21 Wherefore, if ye have sought to do wickedly in the days of your probation, then ye are found unclean before the judgement-seat of God; and no unclean thing can dwell with God; wherefore, ye must be cast off forever. 22 And the Holy Ghost giveth authority that I should speak these things, and deny them not.
This testifies to me of the consistency of our Heavenly Father. He is the same 100 years ago as he is today. Nephi desired to know of the gospel just like me. We both have searched for the truth, and we both found the same answer. Although Nephi is a prophet, he still learned the same truth and felt the same love and Spirit that I feel. I also know that in these days of our probation the consequences are real. If I choose the wrong path, I can not dwell with my Father in Heaven. My prayer is that more of us will hold onto the rod and help build up the Kingdom.
"It is not enough to want to make the effort and to say we’ll make the effort... It’s in the doing, not just the thinking, that we accomplish our goals. If we constantly put our goals off, we will never see them fulfilled.” Thomas S. Monson
We need to constantly motivate ourselves to make that step in the right direction to improve ourselves. You can dream of the life you want to have, but you will never have it unless you make an effort. Last night I took my first step in achieving the life I want, and I'm never going back.
As many of you know, I attend Brigham Young University. This has been such a blessing in my life, because I am constantly surrounded by people who have served missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This at times can be intimidating, but overall it is motivating. It is motivating to learn the stories in the scriptures and to be knowledgeable of the gospel like they are. I constantly realize how much there is to learn on this earth, and how much there is to teach. Me and Lolo are starting 40 days through the Book of Mormon. We also have started a running schedule in which we plan on running a 10K together this summer. We've realized that with each other encouraging each other to remain consistent, we have a better chance at making these two goals a reality. As I surround myself with people who help me be my best, I've realized to put my Heavenly Father right there, too. I've realized I need Him to be my best friend. He is the only one who knows 100% what is best for me. There is power from the gospel, that the earthly knowledge of man can never produce.
"Never before on the face of the earth have the forces of evil and the forces of good been so well organized. While our generation will be comparable in wickedness to the days of Noah when the Lord cleansed the earth by a flood, there is a major difference this time. God has saved for the final inning some of His stronger and most valiant children who will help bear off the kingdom triumphantly. You are the generation that must be prepared to meet your God. The final outcome is certain. The forces of righteousness will finally win; but what remains to be seen is where each of us personally, now and in the future, will stand in this battle and how tall we will stand."- Ezra Taft Benson
Make today the day you do your best to make the world better. Everyday is a chance to make someone else's life happier than it was yesterday. Overcome all of the obstacles in your life that are hindering you from helping those around you right now. Don't procrastinate being your best self.
Thank you to all my lovely friends and family who help me remember these things.
I'm not sure if "happy" new year is appropriate this year, seeing as 2012 is the end of the world. I think I will just state that it is a new year.. not exactly "happy." haha.
Get ready for it y'all...
hahah. Just kidding..
Ok so the world may or may not end this year, but my resolution is to live like it will.
I'm not going to party it up,
I'm going to make my life mean something.
This year I'm going to make a difference in myself and those around me,
And give God the glory he sent me here for.
I'm going to make that change in myself to keep those primary answers up to par,
Like saying my prayers and reading scriptures every night, meaningful fasting, temple work, keeping the Sabbath Day holy, etc.
Because it's those little things in life that mean the most.
